Money is having an affair on you.

Why? Because you have neglected it!

Have you actually ever took a minute to think about the kind of relationship you have with money?

What have you given in your relationship with money?

Is it fear, anxiety, and ignorance of how to bring it into your life for the long haul? Take a look at your relationship with money and reflect on the hard truth and the facts.

Everyone talks about how they want to make more money as if it was some kind of physical activity that was required rather than the slight mental shift that is actually required.

Yes, it’s purely mental. Money is all around you, at all times. It has always been there, waiting patiently for you to learn how to earn its attention and power, and for you to seek the way to find it – it is not something you can make (unless you work in a mint, in which case you do physically make money).

Money itself is an unspoken universal agreement of the exchange of goods and services. It is what the world around you has collectively imagined it to be.

Money cannot be built or made. It would be the same as asking the world to make you a soul mate (although some people have this silly notion as well, that is not the topic here). You need to learn new things about your relationship with money – its strengths, its weaknesses, what you like and don’t like, and attract it into your life, knowing that you now know how to treat him/her.

What do I mean by a relationship? Your relationship with money is your connection with money. When you think about money, what is your instinct? It is positivity, respect, and prosperity, or is it connected with fear, anxiety, and ignorance?

Relationships die when they are stagnant – it is why so many marriages end in divorce and affairs and many other undesirable outcomes of what was once a ton of hope.

Money relationships are very similar – without exchange, without growth, without planning, earning, honoring and understanding, your relationship with money will go the same way as your relationship with your significant other.

Money will leave and not return. How do we change this? We treat our relationship with money as important and necessary.

Never be jealous, anxious or in fear that it is not going to be there. Consistently work to make sure that it knows it is welcome, that it is desired, and that you are open to having it.

Here lies the catch though. When marriages are going through rough patches, there are tools, courses, retreats, and many things to do to try and repair the damage that has been done.

With money, there are numerous ways that you can take the time to repair your relationship. Books, courses, events, talking with other people who have positive relationships with money about how they keep this relationship.

If you speak to a happily married couple who have been together for more than 15 years, they are going to tell you the same things that all happy couples after this amount of time do – they made it work because they took the time to communicate with each other properly, to learn about each other, to grow together, experience together, go through ups and downs together, and to not take each other for granted.

Your money relationship should be no different. That happily married couple do not sit around in their marriage living in fear that suddenly the other person is going to walk away because they give the time and attention to their relationship. What sort of time have you given to your relationship with money lately?

Just as people are not taught marriage counseling before they decide to get married (and a 3-day course some people take doesn’t quite cover the rest of your life), so too are we never really taught how to properly handle our relationship with money.

Right off the bat, our culture sets new adults up for a failing relationship, expressing that you never have a truly committed relationship with money because it can up and leave you at any time, and you should be prepared for this.

If you were to ask the average 18 year old what they know about money, this is what they’ll tell you:

  • you need it to buy things
  • you need to get a job to make it
  • the government takes some in taxes
  • you can keep it in an account in the bank
  • You should always save money in case someday you do not have a job.
  • debt is the worst thing that can happen to you and it can ruin your life

It’s really sad as we live in a capitalist society and money invades our every single thought and we work aimlessly to make more of it and yet, the teenagers of today, when set free in the wild have no clue of the type of relationship they should have with money let alone have one at all.

What should children and new young adults (and everyone!) know about money, but usually don’t?

Add a Zero: The limit of money you attract in your life depends solely on the limits you put on yourself. There’s an abundance of money out there, you simply need to think bigger.

There’s only up or down: Saving money that stays stagnant (not invested/interest earning) makes you lose money long term due to inflation.

Value Your Time: Money comes and goes, and but you can never get back time, so value each accordingly and more importantly, know you’re worth. Don’t get stuck doing minimum wage tasks because you fear loss. Use the spare time to earn what you’re worth.

Working Hard is a Myth: Hard work, to most people, implies that the more hours you work, the more money you will make. Hard work in this sense only begets more hard work. There are some people who work only a few hours a week and make millions, and some people who work 12 hours a day 7 days a week, and never seem to make ends meet. You should work smarter and leverage all the tools at your disposal, instead of assuming time=money.

Smart Debt VS Bad Debt: Leveraging credit to acquire revenue generating assets is smart business. Debt to finance a life you can’t afford is bad debt. Leverage debt for income-producing assets, pay cash for toys.

Never Ghost Your Money: Schedule time weekly to review and update your finances to be able to keep track of it and give it the time it needs to grow, as well as evaluating where your time is best spent creating new income.

Do Your Own Investing & Invest in Tangible Assets: Outsourcing your investments will only make your advisors rich. The most stable investments are always the one with the less human fault possible that you can physically see and touch. Invest in Real Estate, hire a property manager and let the tenant pay down the mortgage.

Time Heals All Wounds: If you can master your relationship with money, no matter how serious any loss can be, time will heal all wounds if the proper nurturing is done starting now.

Unfortunately, You were not born with the knowledge and understanding of financial systems, just like you were not born with the ability to count or read and write your native language.

So the question then is, how and where do we start?

Here are the 5 steps to take to heal your money relationship wounds.

    1. Take accountability and responsibility for your money situation. You are the only person who is responsible for you your current financial situation. It is not your parents, it is not your spouses’, it is not your employer’s’ fault or anyone else in the world – it is you and only you.

      When you accept this, you are able to then start to build a new and fresh relationship with money. If you are 50 and broke, or you are 18 and just starting out financially on your own, or anything in between, you are financially where you are because of you. If it is not a very positive place, understand that all wounds can heal with time and the proper nurturing guidance. If it is a positive place, reflect on why it is doing well, and how to continue that wonderful place you are at with your money relationship!

    2. Learn how to speak and attract Money. Have you learned the language of money? If you have never read a book on money, then today is the day to start. Go look up the 5 wealthiest people and read books on them about their finances. Take money courses online that help you learn how to properly manage and grow your income. Learn how to speak to money in such a way that it wants to listen to you and feels welcomed. You don’t want to verbally abuse your spouse, so do not verbally abuse money, or money will sway just as fast because it does not feel welcomed, desired, or cared for.
    3. Date nights with your money! Just like a couple who has a healthy relationship makes time to spend just the two of them to rekindle their bond and to speak frankly with each other outside of the influence of daily life, so too does your relationship with money have to have this special time. Go through all your finances and review your earnings or your negative debt. See what is working and what isn’t. Get tweaks on where you could use some help or guidance, and then go back to step 2 and find another place to learn. This step should never change. A healthy marriage takes effort and nurturing, and your money relationship is no different.
    4. Celebrate the good, forgive the bad. Do you blame money every time you cannot go out to eat or take a trip, but when you get a big paycheck, forget to reflect with your money about why that worked to do it more often? Take the time to celebrate your moments that money has done something awesome, and forgive the moment that your money has maybe not done its best. If all a wife sees in her spouse are faults, she will only end up finding more and more faults. If she celebrates success with her spouse regularly, she will end up finding more things to celebrate over and over. Our mindset about our relationships is a magnet in all aspects of our lives.
    5. Money likes to move, as do you. Holding too tight to money and not allowing it to grow and breath will never give it the opportunity to be the best it can be for you. Give it time to grow, give it encouragement, nurture it, and it will blossom into a better partner for you. Stop trying to create/make money, and find ways to earn it. The amount you receive is in direct proportion with what you give. Nothing in the entire universe can grow while staying stagnant, so change and growth are important to any relationship. Make your money want to work for you. The most important key to any relationship is to learn and grow, and money is no different. The real lessons about money don’t come with a calculator in your hand, but a mirror. If you aren’t willing to move, change and grow, then your money will not either.

      The simple way to start the change is to want to – to realize that you are the only thing holding you back from money being in your life, and know that you need to learn how to change that relationship. Once you take this step, the rest will come with time, commitment, love, and patience.